"Open House"

Today we had an open house. Four children had parents that showed up. This could have been in for any number of reasons of course, so I'm trying not to judge here, However, the "open house" was like none I have ever seen before. The parents basically just sat there and watched the teacher try to lead the class. I say "try", because again, most of the time was spent trying to manage behavior. I feel as if I have turned into the "bad cop." And the tutor seems lost most of the time.

The PM class was even more rowdy and unmanageable. I could not get them into a straight line to enter the building after recess. They were all over the place, running past me to the doors, shoving others in line...ahhh! There are just too many of them! And all the normal threats and incentives don't seem to work! For a while I was offering candy (yes, I stooped that low) for following directions. It didn't seem to motivate the unruly kids much at all. If they listened, it would be until they got the candy, then the old behavior returned. Several kids said they didn't care, didn't want candy, had their own candy, and so on. Threatening them with a visit to the behavior specialist seems to work most of the time, but when someone does finally go to the specialist, they get sent back after a short while because the administration is focused keeping them in the classroom, placing the highest priority on their education. After returning to the classroom, often the behavior continues later. Even calling the child's parent doesn't work. Some parents simply are not reachable, or fail to return phone calls. In a meeting this week we were told that we needed to show the progress in each child's learning, regardless of how much time they were in "time-out" or even if they had failed to show up the majority of the time. If there was no indication of progress in education, it only reflected poorly on the staff. It was never the child's fault if he or she was not learning. Of course I wasn't about to be the only one raising their hand to argue, but I could tell this really discouraged the teacher I am working with. She says aloud repeatedly after the children leave "they won't listen to me. I must suck as a teacher." Lately she's even gone as far as to question whether or not she should continue teaching, when a week and a half ago she was telling me how much she loved it, even though it was hard. At this point, I think she doesn't see any improvement, as well as not feeling the support of the administration, even though they say they are there to support us.

After we switched classes with the other teacher, two of the parents proceeded down to that classroom where they took part in an altercation with each other in the classroom, over a pencil. Apparently one mother told the other that their child needed to keep their hands off her child's pencil...when it was only a stray pencil in the first place. The mothers began to interact inappropriately with each other, and would not leave the classroom when asked. The principal was called, and by the time he arrived, the ladies had just stepped out of the room. No one I talked to knows what happened after that, but it leads one to shake one's head and muse no wonder these kids act the way they do...

Probably the hardest part of today though, was receiving this picture from a boy (I'll call him Daniel) in the midst of the chaos of the afternoon. Of course he was supposed to be writing when he drew this, and of course he jumped out of his seat to give it to me when he was supposed to be sitting with his head down. But I couldn't reprimand him for it - the picture broke my heart. It broke my heart because even after getting in trouble today, being threatened with a behavior reference by me - even missing recess time! - this boy drew this with me in mind. I remembered how he followed me around the playground even after being encouraged to "go play." He finally tossed a ball at me carelessly when I wasn't paying attention so that I had to duck. He laughed, taunting me because I was "scared" just before the whistle blew for lunch. It struck me after seeing this that he may have had no one else to play with. Is it possible that I can make a difference in his life simply by being there to catch a ball at recess?

Half Way Point

I can not believe that summer school is nearly half over. This is decidedly the most challenging "job" I have ever held.

Our morning class seems more manageable now, and a few students have been dropped or moved from that class. We only really struggle with about five students in that class, but most mornings feel productive. I am now finally understanding the procedure for handling disciplinary problems, although I'll admit that when faced with a particularly defiant child, I am tempted to lose my cool and march them down to the office rather than calmly going though the steps. Sometimes I wonder how many times am I supposed to be expected to repeat myself and wait for the child to follow directions when they are clearly not intending to EVER comply, but then I remind myself that many of these children are not used to structure or high expectations for good behavior in the first place.

Our afternoon class continues to be the most challenging. I think the ratio is completely backwards to the AM class, with about five children that actually do their work and follow directions. Several mentors have been in and out of the classroom to observe and help with the afternoon class. To me, it still feels like we are spending all of our time practicing lining up, pushing chairs in, walking quietly, raising hands, not putting down another classmate, not showing displays of temper, keeping our hands, feet, and objects to ourselves, etc, etc. With all of this behavior management going on, the students are not learning anything academic, which is the sole reason for their enrollment in summer school in the first place. One of the girls does not even seem to know what sounds all the letters of the alphabet make. She carefully copies what the teacher writes on the board, but can only read a handful of the simplest words. I am worried that she (and the rest of the class) will not be getting the help they need if the overall disruption continues. The teacher and I have began to plan an intervention with her specifically, which includes removing her from the classroom to begin reviewing basic phonic skills. I'm excited about this.

Our tutor also continues to be a challenge. Last week he missed three days of work. He claimed that for two of the days he didn't know we had school because of the July 4th holiday, and the third was because he was sick. However, he didn't call the office or the teacher to make excuse. He doesn't seem to know what is expected of him in the classroom, let alone what is expected of him at a place of employment. The teacher spoke to him and he is better now about not taking an extra long lunch and he stays through his shift to the very end instead of leaving the moment the kids exit the classroom to board the bus, but he still seems generally clueless, which doesn't help with running the classroom efficiently.

Today I learned that they plan to pull all the retention students that need special attention in reading and place them with the VISTAs for one-on-one time. This pleases me greatly. I am excited to take on this new challenge and get to the heart of making a difference!

I'll admit, when I volunteered at my children's school, the thought of being a para-professional really intimidated me. I can't say that it does anymore. I now know I have the strength to work with challenging kids. My only regret right now is that at the end of the day, I don't feel like I have the energy to give to my own children. I find myself wanting quiet solitude, and working at mustering the desire to read to them. I hear myself continuing to use my "teacher" voice: "Is that a smart choice?" "What did I ask you to do?" "What should you be doing right now?" Not that parenting isn't a form of teaching, but right now if feels as if there is not much of a separation between my role as a teacher in the classroom and my role as a mother in the home. Except that I also do dishes and laundry.